Sons of Tucson

Armed with a Jack Black impersonator, three kids based not-so-loosely on the trio of boys from Malcolm in the Middle and the deep plot of a Sinbad movie, Fox’s new show Sons of Tucson shows how little the entertainment media respects us. When I say the lead character is a Jack Black impersonator, I honestly mean there’s ground for Black to sue to protect his bumbling, unshaven, quasi-smooth-talking, heart-of-gold brand. I only started watching this show because, well, I live in Tucson and I thought it might actually be shot here. Not sure why I thought this- it makes no since, much like the fact that this show in on the air to begin with.  

The storyline is “held together” by one much overused formula: three kids who are on their own, need an adult (always a lovable loser who is desperate for the money they are willing to pay him) to pose as a guardian to help them maintain their freedom; kookiness ensues. Thanks Camp Nowhere, Accepted, etc.  

After this partnership becomes official, Fake Jack Black (FJB) and the Malcolm in the Middle/ Three Ninjas boys will no doubt begin the adventure of PTA meetings, father/son activities and more. However, halfway into the pilot, one finds themselves wondering how the writers would be able to scrape together enough plot to finish the episode, much more string together enough episodes to keep this sad idea for a TV show afloat for the half season it will actually run.  

No matter how bad a show is, some people will watch (see Jersey Shore, Tool Academy, Grounded for Life, The Cleveland Show, I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant) but honestly, this show makes The War at Home look like Dexter. How can it be THAT bad? I’d encourage you to consider the scene in which the littlest brother (formerly known as Dewey from MIM) squirts wa-ha-ha-ha-hey too much lighter fluid on the open flame of a BBQ, giving us two spiked-haired, black-faced (but somehow not burn-victimized) kids a la Bugs Bunny or the (still classier) Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle with Robert DeNiro.  

It’s at that point that I stopped watching and urge you to only if you can’t watch or read or do another thing due to being in traction with your remote just out of reach. Even then, nap. I can’t wait to never watch this terrible show again. I give it till May. Then again, War at Home went 3 seasons. .  Ernie Kovacs sounds as though he was thinking of Fox primetime when he said “Television:  A medium - so called because it is neither rare nor well done.” Amen Ernie. Now if you'll excuse me, I just got in season two of My Two Dads . . . .